Midnight Cravings...

I got home from work last night opened up the refrigerator, took out a bag of shredded cheddar cheese and plopped it eagerly into my mouth, then I grabbed a handful of garlic and parmesan cheese flavored croutons and inhaled those as well… why the crazy midnight cravings? I know what you’re thinking… no, I’m not pregnant; I’m not even PMSing... I believe the wedding plans and backyard woes have finally gone to my head and the mere thought of sticking to my “Clean” diet, and resisting the temptation for some comfort food, made me incredibly angry (and yes, cheese and croutons are comfort food to me).
I’m a complete mess!!!! However, no one needs to see me standing over the sink shoveling Ben and Jerry’s down my gullet… no one wins ‘cause the next day I’m complaining to Joseph that I feel bloated and gross… and we don’t need to have that conversation… again. 57 days until the wedding… and I’m praying my sanity holds on until then.

Finding your voice through your passions...

While my “day job” added unwanted stress on my life, I continued to pack on the overtime hours in hopes of paying off my car, student loans, wedding, landscape bills, etc. etc… At the same time a friend of mine decided to cut back on her overtime and start her own business applying eyelash extensions (which look AMAZING and natural, by the way)… it was something she was passionate about and loved doing. It gave her the same additional cash without the stress of our hospital job…. and I wanted that!!! So I looked into possible taking a class on administering Botox… it was something I was somewhat familiar with, being a nurse, and something I knew I could make money doing. I got on the internet and searched for reputable companies offering certification… each class was thousands of dollars and didn’t guarantee work, and I was becoming more and more frustrated… and I wasn’t excited about starting my new endeavor, I was dreading it.It wasn’t something I was passionate about… I kidded myself into thinking extra money was going to automatically translate into happiness…


Money was never what was important…my happiness was my #1 one concern. My creative spirit was dying to be heard, and I finally realized it wasn’t going to be recognized injecting women’s faces with Botox. I started to listen to what I really wanted, and it led me to my paintbrush… and all was right with the world. Life is so much brighter!!!

Liberation...

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
–Marianne Williamson

I Will Create!!!

“Courage is seeing your fear, in a realistic perspective, defining it, and choosing to function in spite of it.” –Leonard Zunin

“What would you do if you knew you wouldn’t fail?” Interesting question, isn’t it… it hit me in the face when I read it. Another question Kelly asked us was “When was the last time you felt fearless?” The truth is I don’t remember ever feeling fearless!!! That seemed so strange to me… I’ve always remembered feeling insecure and afraid of failing. In fact, I don’t even try if I’m not positive I’ll be good at something… ridiculous but true. Joseph is always trying to get me to go to the driving range with him to “hit a bucket of balls.” I went once, hit 2 balls out of about 20, and then gave up… and I’ve never been back.

I can remember as a child hoola hooping in front of my house for hours, practicing difference tricks, and never becoming frustrated when the hoop would hit the ground. I would just pick it up and try again… when did that confidence turn into fear? The fear stops now!!! It’s time to define them, face them and LET GO… I deserve to be better!!!

MY FEARS:
I’m not good enough... You’re a talented artist with lots to share with the world!!!
I can never make enough money creating art to pay the bills…. The world is full of people who would appreciate and buy your art if you pour your heart and soul into it!!
I’m not a business woman… You can do anything you put your mind to!!!
I can’t have it all… I CAN HAVE IT ALL!!!

CREATIVITY GOALS:
- Open ETSY shop
- Go part-time at work and supplement income with art sales
- Expand blog audience
- Participate in any artistic class available
- BECOME ARTISTICALLY OPEN AND ARTISTIC!!!

My Declaration...

I'M AN ARTIST!!!!

Inspired by Kelly Rae...

I’ve been so overwhelmed with wedding plans and backyard woes that I’ve slowly felt my creative side withering… and I told myself ENOUGH!! During our Pre-Cana class this past weekend, Joseph and I had an opportunity to talk to each other about our hopes and dreams (beyond the hope of a healthy family with beautiful children… a given as far as Joseph and I are concerned). Joseph wanted to put a little more focus towards his golf game, and I wanted to concentrate on my art career… TODAY IS THE DAY!!! (hence the sudden dedication to the blog… NO MORE EXCUSES JESS!!!) I told myself there would always be a reason to not focus on my dreams, and I would always regret it if I didn’t put 100% into my happiness… it’s worth it, right? Joseph has been telling me he wishes I would paint more… that Joseph, he’s such a love…

Armed with dedication and focus, I got on the internet and visited my favorite creative chickies for an additional artistic boost… SuziBlu, Donna Downey, Ali E, and my girl, Kelly Rae. Kelly was in the midst of her “eclass,” “Flying lessons: Tips and Tricks to Help Your Creative Business Soar”… I WAS AT FULL ATTENTION!!! I immediately signed up for the class and a familiar nervous pain shot up my spine… I’m sure I’m not the only insecure mess in the art world, but it seems to completely cripple me when it rears its ugly head. That little devil on my shoulder whispers “You’re not an artist,” “You could never be a successful businesswoman”, and the popular “You can’t make a living creating.” That damn devil always ruins whatever confidence I have mustered up… Well, little guy, IT’S ENOUGH!! I’M AN ARTIST AND I CAN DO ANYTHING I PUT MY MIND TO!!! SO SHUT UP IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY!!!

I woke up the next morning feeling revived and positive!!! It’s time for a new day…

You and Me...

Things I did today...

1. Ordered more RSVP cards
2. Ordered jeweled haircomb for wedding
3. Booked hotel for getaway weekend in July
4. Sent pictures of sample centerpieces to florist
5. Mailed checks to vendors
6. Placed stamps on invite envelopes and thank you cards
7. Ignored clean clothes on bedroom floor
8. Finished addressing invite envelopes
9. Made table numbers for reception
10. Paid bills and balanced checkbook
11. Called landscape company (they still haven't sealed the concrete... they're two weeks late)
12. Typed up ceremony program rough draft
13. Ordered misc wedding supplies from Stampinup.com (one of which is a stamp collection
that is called "I love lists")
14. Watered plant in front yard
15. Wished I had more time to paint

...it was a busy day...

Life in Bloom

Life is hectic… my creativity draining, but my life is full of promise and happiness. I spent the morning (5 hours to be exact) performing wedding duties… diligently ordering supplies, addressing envelopes and applying stamps. I was a long productive morning, but there is so much more to be done…
The laundry still lies unfolded on the floor, clean dishes in the dishwasher need to be put away, and my office lay in shambles. What’s a girl to do? What will I do with all of my free time after the wedding? My friends say that I am destined to get ready for babies, and I’m inclined to agree, but I hope to have a little time to get my household in order.
My vegetable garden is in full bloom, and so are the stupid birds that insist on eating every ripe strawberry available… the cantaloupe vines make their way over the raised beds, and the zucchini lay nestled underneath their protecting leaves. It’s quite a site to wake up to in the morning…
Life is in full bloom… and I’m enjoying the view…