Finding the balance...

My health is the best it has ever been, and I'm more motivated about maintaining it than ever... however, something is missing... I haven't done anything creative since May of last year. I feel lost. I have finally found time for exercise and health, but now I'm faced with finding even more time for my creative self.... I'm overwhelmed.

I am amazed at how many women can do it all... work, kids, art, etc.... but I have to say that I'm exhausted!!! I work about 40 hours a week, work out 4 or 5 times a week before work, and I spend a few hours a week cooking, cleaning and doing laundry. What am I going to do when I have kids?!?

I need to find a balance...

Personal growth...

I've been thinking about the future lately. The upcoming wedding, and baby-making plans has forced me to rearrange my priorities and put my health at the top of the list. In true Jess fashion, I did my research... read some books, consulted a dietitian, and even started working with a person trainer (I'm wearing a heart rate monitor as I type). I'm working out more, eating clean, and have added supplements to my daily regimen.
I feel amazing!!! I have so much energy and my future feels full of promise... this is one year I plan on sticking to my resolutions... 2010 is the year for personal growth...

Rain...

I wish it would start raining... it would go well with my mood lately...

Our home...

We finally got our keys today... I unlocked my own front door, used my toilet for the first time (I know you really wanted to know that), and labeled our mail box with Joseph and my name. It finally feels like our home... IT'S OURS!!! Let the packing begin...

Feeling the ick...

Yes, I'm one of those women who nit-picks every single aspect of her physical description... if my arms and but were a little tighter, if my boobs were a little bigger, if my eyelashes were a little longer... maybe then I would be happier... it's complete nonsense!! Really, Jess, why do you do this to yourself?

Why are women so critical of themselves? I've been trying to lose the same 5 pounds for the last 2 years, and you would think by now I would just learn to be happy with where my body is, but oh no... I just lament over every extra potato chip I eat and every day that I do absolutely nothing active... nonsense!!!

Yeah, I could get some bigger boobs, but next thing you know I'd be bribing my plastic surgeon to do one more procedure to turn me into Cat Woman... nonsense!!!

My "Dove message" said "remind yourself that it's ok not to be perfect"... funny how a piece of chocolate is telling me to be ok with myself...

Just a obsessive thought brought to you by PMS...

We're Engaged!!!

Joseph and I went to check out the "major construction" at our house on Saturday. With my camera in hand we went room by room to assess the progress. We walked in the master bedroom, and as I turned towards the bathroom I noticed rose petals all over the bathtub and floor, and an ice chest with champagne in the corner (actually, it was sparkling cider... I had to go to work in an hour). I thought "what the heck have these construction workers been doing in our house," and when I turned around Joseph was on one knee clutching a black box.

He said, "You are the love of my life, and I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. Would you do me the honor of being my wife?"

I said,"Oh my God!" and started crying... and then, I said "Yes!"

I love you, my Stink, and I can't wait to grow old with you... you are such a wonderful man, and I'm blessed to have you in my life. I love you...

Tickle time and massages...

This was part of my birthday present... tickle and massage time... two of my favorite things, and for fear that Joseph would find it and throw it away (he hates tickle time), I took a picture... it lasts longer...



Ok, so I’ve been neglecting my blog… It’s been insanely busy at work, and since I now have the mortgage monkey on my back… duty calls. Averaging 60 hours a week I’m sure has taken a couple years off my life, but my down payment is just about covered, and then it’s on to the furniture. Yes, I’m a workaholic… thanks mom!!! I feel like I’m neglecting the apartment, but more importantly I’m neglecting my Joseph… sorry, my love… I hate coming home to find him asleep, and I’m sure he’s not happy about spending every evening by himself, or kissing me goodbye at 6 in the morning, when I’m barely alive. These are the sacrifices we make for adulthood… well, I hate it!!! I miss my days off, cuddling with Joseph while we watch trashy television, and I miss our nightly massages…. ahhh… those were the good ‘ol days, when life was simple, and I only had to furnish 800 square feet. But here I am on day 6 of a 12 day stretch at work, and just as money hungry as ever… damn the man!!!

My garden is moving along… I’ve eaten two beefsteak tomatoes (delicious!!), the Purple Cherokee’s are setting fruit, and the Schefflera clippling I stole from my mother has successfully set its roots and is now growing babies… YAY FOR ME!!!

On the flip side my gladiolus never grew flowers, just grew leaves and died… and my persian buttercups have yet to grow flowers, only leaves as of now. My friend, Sharlotte, gave me an orchid for my birthday, which I’ll probably kill before the month is over… I don’t do well with finicky plants…

Our house is still being built... Joseph and I visit every couple weeks and take pictures… here’s what it looks like as of a week ago… Do you notice something new in the front window… yes, it’s the SOLD sign. Yep, it’s all ours.

We had our family’s 2nd annual pool party at my parents last weekend and it was a huge success thanks to 6 different kinds of beer, an electric wine bottle opener, and the Margarita Machine... No, it wasn’t all about the alcohol. Did I mention Joseph and I kicked some serious butt in volleyball (you too, Dave)… yes, Dad, you can have a rematch next year… better bring your “A” game, or do the smart thing and switch teams...

Anna

Dad, Joseph, and Me

Kelley

Lexi

Cora, Stu, and Trish

Me and Joseph... Damn, I love this man...

New beginnings...

We received some wonderful, early birthday, news today... Lennar accepted our offer on our dream house. It's 2250 square feet of happiness, and has 4 bedrooms, and 3 baths, perfect for our future growing family and my need to create. The kitchen opens up to a beautiful great room overlooking our backyard... which will be dirt for awhile, but with the help of Joseph's Aunt, we will have a sanctuary to enjoy for years to come (my kitchen table is filled with landscaping books and magazines... time to do my research)

I hope this house see tons of loud family parties filled with laughter and tequila... and also that my dad follows through with his threats and spends a couple nights in our guest room (I could just imagine waking up to him and Joseph sitting in the living room watching cartoons and eating Lucky Charms... classic!).

We are so over-the-moon excited!!!

The downside of being a NICU nurse...

I've been a NICU nurse for 3 years now, and most of the time it's positive and extremely rewarding, but it only takes one bad day to throw you up against a wall and spoil your spirit...
I got a call at 7am this morning telling me the baby I was taking care of for the past two weeks died last night. He was having such a good weekend... he was sick, but stable... and that phone call seriously jilted me...

My prayers are with his family, who lost their son way too soon... They gave him love and whispered sweet words in his ears while he slept. I can't even begin to imagine what they must be going through, but I hope they enjoyed what little time they had with their lovely boy...

This is how crazy I've become

I worked twelve hours yesterday (11a-11pm), then because I just hadn't been torturing myself enough I slept in one of the sleep rooms for 4 hours (well, actually I only slept for 45min), and then got up and finished up the night shift (3a-7a)... I thought I was trashed the other day, but it doesn't even compare to what I'm feeling today. I didn't even have to take a benedryl... I came home, took a shower, and then passed out for 7 hours with absolutely no interruption. That's how freakin' exhausted I was... no benedryl!?!... I haven't done that in years. I go back to work tomorrow until Thursday and then I'm off to Fort Bragg for three days with my love... THANK THE LORD!!

Today is a special day for Joseph and me... it's our 2 year anniversary and now we have the whole evening to love on each other. He just brought me a glass of wine and a plate of crackers with seafood salad in bed (classy and delicious!!), and now he's in the kitchen making his famous Balsamic Pork Tenderloin... so good!! After dinner we're going to pamper each other until we fall asleep... nothing else could be better after a long week at work.

My love... you are the love of my life and the man of my dreams, and these last two years have been incredibly blissful. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you... I love you more than you will ever know... Happy anniversary my Honeybush!!!