The downside of being a NICU nurse...

I've been a NICU nurse for 3 years now, and most of the time it's positive and extremely rewarding, but it only takes one bad day to throw you up against a wall and spoil your spirit...
I got a call at 7am this morning telling me the baby I was taking care of for the past two weeks died last night. He was having such a good weekend... he was sick, but stable... and that phone call seriously jilted me...

My prayers are with his family, who lost their son way too soon... They gave him love and whispered sweet words in his ears while he slept. I can't even begin to imagine what they must be going through, but I hope they enjoyed what little time they had with their lovely boy...

This is how crazy I've become

I worked twelve hours yesterday (11a-11pm), then because I just hadn't been torturing myself enough I slept in one of the sleep rooms for 4 hours (well, actually I only slept for 45min), and then got up and finished up the night shift (3a-7a)... I thought I was trashed the other day, but it doesn't even compare to what I'm feeling today. I didn't even have to take a benedryl... I came home, took a shower, and then passed out for 7 hours with absolutely no interruption. That's how freakin' exhausted I was... no benedryl!?!... I haven't done that in years. I go back to work tomorrow until Thursday and then I'm off to Fort Bragg for three days with my love... THANK THE LORD!!

Today is a special day for Joseph and me... it's our 2 year anniversary and now we have the whole evening to love on each other. He just brought me a glass of wine and a plate of crackers with seafood salad in bed (classy and delicious!!), and now he's in the kitchen making his famous Balsamic Pork Tenderloin... so good!! After dinner we're going to pamper each other until we fall asleep... nothing else could be better after a long week at work.

My love... you are the love of my life and the man of my dreams, and these last two years have been incredibly blissful. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you... I love you more than you will ever know... Happy anniversary my Honeybush!!!

Weak, or human?

I worked 16 hours last night, and barely got home (thanks to my blaring music and strong wind)... I finally fell asleep at 8am and then woke up at 2pm and that was it... No more sleeping for you, Jess... that's all you get!! Now I'm watching "The Hills" re-runs trying to relax. I'm so trashed!!! I only have to work 4 hours today... thank GOD!!!... and I plan on getting 12 hours of sleep tonight with my love beside me. I haven't seen Joseph since he kissed me goodbye (when I was half asleep) yesterday morning.... he had a 6am meeting this morning, but he made sure to close all the curtains and turn down the bed, so all I had to do was collapse into my pillow. It was wonderful, but I really wanted him here... I didn't sleep well.

If you didn't already know it by now I really really want my house... I'm working as much as I can while my body will let me, so from now on it's balls to the wall... until I land straight on my face... which I have a feeling will be soon. Everyone at work keeps saying, "You're young... you can handle it." I'm sorry, but I don't know if I can handle it... Am I weak, or just human?